Taking A Crowbar To A Mint 66 Mustang Convertible
I had a metaphor come to me today during my morning prayers. I just shared the metaphor with my husband and he agreed with it.
The way my husband treats me and our marriage when he goes “to the bad place” in his head is equivalent of him finally owning a 66 Mustang Convertible in mint condition after dreaming of it for his whole life. Then when it rains, he has an uncontrollable urge to take a crowbar to the car and hit it until the urge goes away.
Even when he knows and understands that he is causing damage every time he gives into his urge, the urge is so overwhelming and it is all he knows, that when it rains he feels that he has no choice but to get out the crowbar and continue to beat on the car.
The problem is that the car can only take so much damage before it becomes a piece of rotting junk sitting in the driveway. It no longer looks pretty, it no longer is worth the same value as what it was when he took possession of it and soon it will become useless and not even run.
Knowing that you are damaging the car and understanding that you do it is one thing but expecting that you are able to beat the car with all your power and expect it to be in mint condition AFTER your repeated tirades is where we are today. My husband seems to think that when he comes out of it and can look back and see what his patterns were that he could just pick up where he started and still have that perfect, shining car sitting there.
After almost 15 years of marriage and the entire time living with the effects of sexaholism, our marriage is almost useless and damaged beyond repair. I am convincing myself to stay that things will get better, that one day he will repair the damage and restore our marriage back to mint condition. I am hoping and praying and he continues to promise but unfortunately the empty promises and repeated damage has resulted in a diminishing marriage that is almost useless.
Do I stay until the marriage is totally dead and I hate him or do I leave while there is some life left?
Will there come a day when he will put out his arsenal of tools, all of his time and resources and put the time, money and energy into doing the hard work of restoration?
Filed under: Broken Trust, Lonliness, Partners of Sex Addicts, Personal Recovery, RCA - Recovering Couples Anonymous, SA Sexaholics Anonymous, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Anorexia, Working the S Anon Program | 6 Comments